Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
