she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ttyl tear gas
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize