im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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