Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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