How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize