he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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