I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
