I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
