why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
