I think I died a long time ago.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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