whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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