What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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