I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
