so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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