Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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