I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
