his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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