Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A+ Viking dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
