I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
