Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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