If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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