Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you win again, gameday.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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