big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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