does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
