this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
