I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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