she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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