I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
