I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
