Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
