So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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