I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's never too late to be topless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
