i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
