I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
