i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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