Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
