There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
