How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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