I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
