My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
