if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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