The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
smell my finger.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
