i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
