Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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