If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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