I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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