You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My vagina is very pro this idea
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