I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
