He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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