I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
