my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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