He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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