when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
