i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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