he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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