party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
