I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
