Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
