Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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