it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
