My friends, they love my intelligence
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
