I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
