Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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