I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
