I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
