We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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