ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize