to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Use "feeling words"
Yay
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
