I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
