I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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