why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
