I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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