Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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