3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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