i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My ass is underappreciated
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
