In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
