Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
