Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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