These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
