he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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