South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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