i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
