Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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