I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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