That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
