i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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