Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
