I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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