it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
