I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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