Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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