Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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