I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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