I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
