I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My liver just had a heart attack.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
