Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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