i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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