I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
