Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
