I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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