i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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