We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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